Talk:Lee's Jury Speech/@comment-32292013-20170813191213
I totally understand how you can see my bit about Luca was unnecessary. It is rather unusual, but I would like to say that during the game, one of the hosts even confirmed my story of not voting in time but basing my vote on my goodbye message (Ryan if I remember correctly in the Nachosteak alliance or the main chat). All of that was me being honest, however, I should have been more honest about wanting Luca out over Dwayne prior to Luca’s eviction from the beginning but I panicked that morning once I checked my DR to see I hadn’t voted yet sent my goodbye messages. I had it in my mind that Luca was becoming a number for the other side and rather waiting for the opportunity to present itself again, I just acted on my own. After Luca left, I tried to have a conversation about how I was going back and forth on wanting Luca out and I think it was weak but I felt you would have been upset at me openly going against getting your hitlist target out. You wouldn’t have necessarily started to target me over it, but I felt you would have been completely justified in being very upset over your target not leaving while thinking he would. My original idea was to talk about how near the end of the week you said Luca was going to be a target for you the following week, but I was admittedly too caught up in trying to do damage control without thinking to simply admit to everything 100% when I should have, so sorry. Regardless of what people say, I stand by my saying you were my most consistent and close ally of the game- a lot of people knew it. We had been aligned officially since the beginning and out of most of the others, you actually showed loyalty and honesty. With my number of legitimate allies wearing thin, I made the decision to not be insta-willing to cut you just because of word of mouth from other people as I’m not one to let other people influence my thought processes. I know that you were becoming a threat and all, but with the way I set my game up, I knew I was prepared and had to have some sort of risk so I gambled once the outcome looked promising. Other people were with other people so for me to completely ditch you would be stupid, which is something I think people have to admit to themselves and realize. In regards to helping one another advance in the game, I go back to the comment of you handling the physical aspect, me handling the social aspect, and there being a mixed portion of strategy. A lot of our views correlated with each other so with you winning the necessary competitions and me doing a lot of talking with people, notably for in times of need, we balanced each other out in getting to the end and mixed all of these together. I am likely going to get a lot of flack for this for how bad its going to make me look, but I just think its because people undermine how important loyalty is to me. On the off chance I won the Final Head of Household competition, I’d have put myself in a corner. People who play enough times with me know that I value loyalty on my list really high. I feel with all the preaching I did of it, having made an agreement to go to the end with you longer before anyone would have left a pretty bad taste for me if I didn't take you. It’s not me accepting second by any means, but a principle I stand by. That said…. My initial ideal F2 was you. After I talked with Malik who I knew also wanted to go to end with me after Dwayne left, I saw that I could easily put myself in a position to make it to the end by having you two. Although, all of us were pretty much guilty of making deals with each other more or less to cover our own butts and that is understandable. It’s why I felt I had to do something else that I personally didn’t want to do, but objectively knew I would have to. This is going to sound really crappy of me, but had I won Part 2, I was going to attempt to ensure Malik won Final HoH simply because of this. It’s not to say it would have been the end of the world if I won, but every one of us had our way of playing optimal to win and I believe my odds of winning increased a lot more with Malik in the finals than you. So the simple answer was that given my own morals, I knew if I won HoH I would have had to take you while the more objective side of me was willing to prepare and orchestrate the ending of Malik winning Head of Household to ensure a better shot at winning the overall. I had a bitter taste for doing this and it’s not a style I usually go by nor condone, I just wanted to capitalize on my standings as I think all of us were guilty of doing with some strategy for any scenario to happen. Thank you for being a great person to ally and it was lovely being with you in and out the game! And I will be sure to watch out for bears :)